How to Heal People-Pleasing Patterns Rooted in Trauma
Trauma can impact your life in ways you never expected. No matter how long ago you experienced a traumatic event, you can carry around the effects for years. That doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll deal with traditional PTSD symptoms. For some, the effects of trauma linger in other ways.
One of the most common patterns people who have experienced trauma fall into is people-pleasing.
People-pleasing is a common issue for trauma survivors as it makes them feel like they’re avoiding conflict. In essence, it’s a survival strategy and a way to cope. Those dealing with trauma also struggle with rejection and want to feel needed, so they put others first.
However, people-pleasing patterns, especially those rooted in trauma, can do more harm than good. Let’s dive into how you can put a stop to these patterns and start your healing journey.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
You might not want to admit you’re a people-pleaser, especially due to trauma. However, acknowledging your feelings and validating them is important. It means recognizing that you went through something traumatic and that there was an impact.
By acknowledging those feelings and developing a better understanding of your coping mechanisms, you can start to move forward. Maybe people-pleasing got you through the worst of it, but it’s important to recognize that it’s likely not serving a positive purpose anymore.
Track Your Patterns and Triggers
Are there certain people in your life who you tend to “serve” more than others? Maybe it’s not specific people, but other triggering situations. Pay attention to specific thoughts, behaviors, or environments that tend to trigger your people-pleasing tendencies.
When do you agree to do things for people most often, even if it means putting your needs last? If you can recognize certain patterns and triggers when it comes to your behaviors, you’ll be better equipped to break the cycle.
Be Self-Compassionate
It’s not uncommon for people who experience trauma to feel shame or guilt, even years later. You might even feel bad about being a people-pleaser and ignoring your own needs.
It’s time to start treating yourself with compassion and kindness. You are worthy of love and support, and it doesn’t hinge on how much you do for others. Practice self-care each day by engaging in activities that promote your well-being. Consider writing in a gratitude journal. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. Most importantly, understand that healing is a journey. By being patient on that journey, you’ll be more resilient if setbacks occur.
Express Your Needs
Being self-compassionate and taking care of yourself includes talking about your needs. It’s not a bad thing to take care of other people. However, if it means your needs are never met, that’s a problem.
As you heal, it’s important to find and reclaim your voice. Communicate your needs clearly to others and allow yourself to think freely, even if your opinions don’t always line up with everyone else’s.
Surround Yourself with Support
Having a support system in your corner is essential as you work through the impact of your trauma. Don’t hesitate to stay in communication with friends and family members about your experience. They want to be there for you in both practical and emotional ways.
It can also help to work with a support group or to attend trauma therapy. Support groups allow you to hear from others who might be struggling. You’ll see that you’re not alone on your journey, and you might even get some insight into how others have started to heal.
Putting yourself and your needs at the forefront of your life isn’t easy when you’ve been using people-pleasing as a coping mechanism. However, it’s possible to break free from these patterns and the effects of your trauma. The best part? You don’t have to do it alone. Contact Integrative Psychotherapy Group today to set up a consultation.
