The Closet’s Toll: Exploring the Psychological Strain of Concealing Identity
When you were younger, you might have believed there were monsters in your closet. Maybe now you sometimes feel like the real monster is you. Hiding parts of yourself in a dark, quiet space can sometimes feel safer than letting the world see you for who you really are.
It could be your identity, your truth, or parts of yourself that you were told aren’t enough or are too much. Instead of being judged, rejected, or misunderstood, you stay hidden, small, and quiet. Unfortunately, the longer that you stay in the closet, the worse it can become, eventually feeling like you’re hiding the real version of yourself.
You aren’t the monster. Hiding in the closet can take a toll on your overall mental health and wellness. Let’s explore the psychological strain of concealing your identity.
The Secrecy
When you hide a part of yourself or prevent people from seeing who you really are, it can completely consume you. It can feel like you’re carefully calculating your every move through every interaction, conversation, and situation.
If you have a partner and you’re out in public with them, you may feel constantly worried and on edge about who you may run into and what they’ll think about you. Secrets have weight, and they can weigh heavily on you, completely draining your energy and causing you to experience anxiety everywhere you go.
The Mental Impact
There can be severe mental health impacts from keeping these secrets. By keeping secrets, you’re denying yourself the ability to be your authentic self, be honest with yourself and others, and connect with others on a deeper level. Below are some of the other ways that concealing your identity can take a toll on your mental health.
Anxiety
When you’re constantly living with a fear of someone finding out who you truly are, the stress is constant. Living on edge and being hypervigilant 24 hours a day, 7 days a week can cause you to experience more serious mental health issues, such as an anxiety disorder, burnout, or even a panic disorder.
Depression
Not feeling like you can show up as your true, authentic self can be extremely isolating. Even when you’re in a room filled with people, you can feel completely alone. This is due to the disconnectedness that you feel from others, including yourself. This sense of isolation can lead to feelings of hopelessness, low self-worth, and depression.
Delayed Emotional Development
If you’re spending the majority of your time hiding, you’re not getting the same amount of time that others have to explore yourself and who you truly are. This can prevent you from meeting important developmental milestones, especially your emotional development. This delayed emotional growth can make it more challenging for you to build healthy relationships with yourself and others.
Identity Conflict
If you’re constantly trying to show up as someone that you’re not just to avoid judgment or criticism, it can cause an internal battle and an identity conflict within yourself. If this continues, your sense of being whole and your self-esteem can be negatively impacted.
Doing What’s Best for You
Coming out isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. You may be staying in the closet for valid reasons, as coming out may not be possible for you right now. If you’re currently in the closet, know that it doesn’t mean you’re weak. Even though coming out can be extremely liberating, it requires a sense of safety in being who you are. It’s okay to take it at your own pace.
To get started, try giving yourself grace and practicing self-acceptance. When you’re ready, find a safe space or consider speaking with a therapist to help you unpack the shame or trauma you’re experiencing so that you can open the door to the possibility of a future as your true and authentic self.
